When hanging out with other people, I often worry about what they think of me. The whole experience can be very stressful, especially when with people I don't know very well: I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, being judged, or getting embarrassed. The experience is very similar to lying. I am trying to maintain one central assertion ("I am likable"), which I believe to be untrue. Soon I am constructing a web of truths, half-truths, and white lies, all designed to reinforce this assertion. The weight of this web is heavy, and at times crushing.
But when I'm thinking about how I can serve people, all the stress evaporates. I start enjoying the people I'm around. I care for them instead of being afraid of them; I want them to get to know me instead of be impressed by me. And I suspect I'm a lot more fun to be around.
It's a subtle difference because the desire to please someone is very similar to the desire to serve someone. But the two drives are completely different, as is my experience of them.
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