Vanilla

A lot of people don't know this but vanilla is an actual flavor, not the absence of flavor.

Proverb

"Only dead fish go downstream"
- Polish proverb I found in The Cholesterol Myths

Exene

"I wouldn't consider myself a happy person, but I had fun tonight"
- Exene

Animals

Isn't it funny that animals and people find a lot of the same things beautiful/attractive?

Checking Out

I have no interest in doing any more school, but I also don't want to work. So for now I'm just checking out. I will work enough to pay the bills and let me save some cash, but that's it. I just want to not participate in the rest of the world.

Unexpecting

I've given up on expecting Christians to act any differently than non-Christians.

Talk

Whenever you talk to a Presbyterian about having a tough time spiritually, no matter how much they say you are saved by God's grace alone and there is nothing you can do to earn it, all they do is tell you stuff you should be doing and say that if your spiritual life is crummy it's because you are doing something wrong or not doing something you should be doing.

Elevators

Elevators are great. That pocket of space and time in which you are utterly alone.

Criticism

The things I enjoy the most and am best at are all forms of criticism, not art. I like covering songs better than writing originals. Climbing things is an act of interpretation rather than creation. Writing literary criticism is more fun to me that trying to write literature.

Quote

"Don't give me advice on being a Christian if you won't even do your own dishes."

Identity

Your identitiy is found in the things you do and like. They are a part of who you are. It's OK to identify with them. Probably not exclusively.

Hope

Peter tells us we should always be ready to give a reason for the hope that we have. I've come to realize that I can't honestly give any reasons. Overall, I am not convinced of the truth of Christianity. The Bible does not seem to be an internally consistant document, nor is the Deity it describes. The Christian worldview does not provide a perspective on life that is significantly more useful than non-Christian worldviews. Christians do not seem to have anything special about them, nor does Christian community (aside from its tightness, which is something other communities, like the armed forces, can reproduce). I have not seen evidence of God making me better, changing my heart, or causing me to grow. I have matured in a morally neutral sense, but in terms of my own morality I am exactly the same as I was when I was 10. Although I have seen people change when they become a Christian, I have also seen people whose lives changed just as dramatically and just as positively without ever uttering a syllable of prayer.

The ressurrection is hard to ignore or explain away, but by itself it is not enough to be convincing to me.

However, for some reason I can't help believing the Bible is true. I am a Christian. I pray to God; I take communion. I have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, who was God's Son and who died and was ressurrected for the sins of God's people, of whom I am one.

I don't know whether God is hanging on to me without my help, or whether I'm just too afraid to leave, but for whatever reason I'm still a Christian and I still believe all this stuff. I don't know why or for how long.

Ad

As soon as I posted that last post, an ad for rock climbing paraphenalia showed up on the side bar. Thank you capitalism and Google.

Sports

I love sports, and I demand excellence of myself when I play them, but I am not very competitive. In team sports I'm usually more concerned with how well I am playing than I am with how well our team is playing. I think one of the things I like about climbing is that there is not direct competition with someone else. It's just the beauty of the line itself that motivates you to climb it.

Smiling

There are so many assholes in the world. Smiling and making eye-contact are so powerful because when you do them it tells people that you are not one. (Regardless of whether you actually are one or not).

Inasmuch

Scripture is constantly telling us to spend time with widows and orphans, the poor and the sick. I wonder whether one of the effects of spending time with people like that, who deal with the daily presence and normalcy of death, might be that death is made more real to us. It's easy for death to be the thing that happens to you when you're 85. Maybe hanging out with widows, orphans, sick people, poor people, dying people makes it more natural for us to dwell on our own death, God's judgement of our souls, and the coming of His kingdom.

"Hey God"

I've seen a dying man too proud to beg spit on his own grave
Was he too gone to save?
Did you even know his name?

-Bon Jovi

Seduce

There is a proliferation of movies with a romantic plot in which one person is seducing the other, but then actually falls in love. When their lover finds out their true original intentions, there is conflict. The conflict is resolved once it becomes clear the feelings of love are genuine. I wonder why this plot is so compelling to us. I'm pretty sure it's not archetypal.

Nitro

I'm watching this Nitro Circus show. It's done by Travis Pastrana and Johnny Knoxville. Basically if this were the sixties it would be art, but right now it's entertainment.

Chameleon

When you're good at hanging out / getting along with a lot of different kinds of people, it's easy to forget who you really are.

Debauchery

I like songs about debauchery. Fast cars, alcohol, sex, etc. I'm not sure why I like them, and a lot of it is probably unhealthy, but it seems like there is something really compelling and true about the unbridled celebration of things in the world that are awesome. And just doing things for fun and no other reason.

Addiction

A friend told me today that he smokes 2.5 packs of cigarettes a day. He's trying to quit but he says it's really hard because he's already quit before and started up again a few times. He said it gets harder to quit the more times you quit and then relapse. That's sobering.

Steve-O from Jackass says he still considers himself a nitrous oxide addict even though he went through therapy and hasn't done it for 3 years. He says he could easily do it tomorrow.

Guide

I am writing a climbing guide to the University of Florida campus. Hopefully it will be completed in a matter of months. Anybody that would be willing to help photograph and/or loan me a camera would be more than welcome. Although, of course, nobody reads this blog...

Rationality

So apparently (according to the study this summer with Dr. Horner) the Bible affirms the work of the mind: rationality, reason, logic, thought, discourse, etc.

But whose mind are we talking about? The past 100 years of thought have taught us a lot about the mind -- its dark corners, dead ends, and contradictory. The limits and fallacies of Western habits of reason (inherited from the Greeks) have never been more fully explored. Does Paul reason the way he does because that's the right way to do it; or is he only thinking that way because he is living in 1st Century Hellenistic culture?

Destruction

It is constantly presented to me that God is a creative Being and that we, as creatures made in His image are also creative. When we produce art we are bearing His image by being, ourselves, creative.

Much 20th-21st Century art, however, is quite destructive. Although some of this art seeks to be "creative" in its destructiveness, I would argue that a substantial amount of art from the past 100 years, at its core, pits itself against anything that would try to create. It destroys --frequently for no reason, or for the simple pleasure of tearing something apart.

Does such art cast off the image of God? Or does it simply bear the image in a different way? Couldn't God also be considered a Destroyer? Genesis tells us He destroyed the world with water once. He scattered the nations by confounding their speech. He obliterated Sodom and Gomorra, commanded the Israelites to wipe their enemies off the face of the earth, nearly eliminated the tribe of Benjamin, and has promised to destroy the world again. But it is striking that God is often called the Creater, and never (to my knowledge) the Destroyer.

MJ

The Michael Jackson memorial concert was on 17 out of a possible 67 channels in my house yesterday.

Crash

I totalled my car today. It's wierd cause I'm really tired, but also still so amped up I can't sleep. I keep vascillating between being angry at God for taking my car, grateful to Him for sparing my life, and feeling apathetic towards the whole thing.

Effected

I'm usually too emotionally effected by really good art to be able to discuss it intelligently. Particularly with movies.

Kids

It is interesting to me how much stuff is marketed to adults that was originally marketed to kids: Transformers, Xmen, Batman, etc. Also that TV show Wipeout (which is basically the same as those obsticle course shows on Nickelodien I remember from my childhood). And these things don't change much from child version to adult version. I suspect that this may be evidence that the sharp division between child and adult in American society may be artificial.

Billy Idol

I'd give my soul
For money to burn with you.
I'd give you all and have none, babe
To have you here by me.

Crumble

When the world comes crashing down around our heads, everyone will head to McDonald's for comfort.

Macro

From what I can gather on TV and documentaries and books, all the basic things that happen at the macro level in big, powerful, high-paying jobs happen at the micro level at an entry-level job at McDonald's.

Catholic

"...one holy catholic and apostolic church..." Do we really believe this part of the creed? If we didn't believe it would we behave differently than we do now?

I

7 of my last 20 posts begin with the word 'I.'

GRG

My climbing shoes came in today. Also, I bought a membership through the end of the year at the Gainesville Rock Gym.

Maine

There is a slim chance that I may move to Maine in the next 6 months to play bass in my friend Naveed's band, Felt Cock.

Germanium

I need to know where to get a matching pair of Germainium transistors. One with a gain value around 90, the other with a gain value around 120. Preferably AC128s.

Skills

In order to be fully prepared for life, I need to learn how to:

- Construct simple circuit boards
- Make and use a Molotov cocktail
- Hotwire a car

- Write basic computer programs
- Pick most locks

Texting

Text messages are abused. They should only be used for brief logistical messages, but instead are used for personal communication. This does a couple things.

- We are never unavailable. Doesn't matter if we are in class, at dinner, alone, workings, whatever. We are always available to send and recieve text messages.

- It is difficult to be fully present in any situation when we are so easily available to others.

- We interact impersonally with others when we should interact personally.

Each of these has major consequences that could be discussed more at length, but right now I don't feel like it. Maybe a blog isn't the appropriate place?

Selfish

I'm a lot more selfish and self-centered than I used to be. I wonder why that is.

Love. Obey.

Love God, Love neighbor.

1 John 1, 4, 5 Circle. How do we love God? By obeying His commands. What does he command? That we love Him and others. How do we know we are loving others? We love God and obey his commands.

Peter, do you love me?...Feed my sheep.

Woman

At work the other week, I asked a woman if she wanted whole or non-fat milk in her mocha and she said whole milk. Then she said "I've only got a year left to live so it doesn't really matter." We were slammed with people so I just had to keep taking orders and did not get to follow up.

Excited

I don't really get excited about things very easily. At least not about major life changes. I was not excited about graduating from high school, going to college, graduating from college, going to grad school, etc. Maybe I'm apathetic? Maybe I don't like big changes?

Iguana

I saw a very large man with a very large iguana on his back walking around outside my apartment today.

Guy

A guy at McDonald's yelled at me, asked if I was awake yet, accused me (I'm almost positive falsely) of touching the inside of his orange juice glass, and called me a liar today. It was weird because he didn't lose his temper and he was smiling the whole time.

Persist

Life is all about knowing when to persist and when to give up.

Heroes

My heroes in no particular order -- I may add to this:

Iggy Pop
Chongo
Jimi Hendrix
Francis Schaeffer
Piet Mondrian
Catherine Devereaux
Mark Rothko
April Lawton
Julia Kristeva
Chris Sharma

Promise

My friend Sean worked at Domino's Pizza for a while and he told me that Domino's statement that your pizza would arrive in 30 minutes is "a promise, not a guarantee."

Potato

I can climb the West and South sides of the Turlington Potato. Still working on the North side. I don't think I could ever do the East side.

Read

I read for the first time in months two days ago. It was two really interesting essays about art in primative societies. The first essay was about the purpose and view of art in particular African tribes. The second was about "defamiliarization" in various tribes across the world. Basically, the study found that tribes that lived in circular dwellings tended to prefer art with rectangular shapes, and that the more "rounded" a tribe's dwellings, the more "rectangular" their art preferances tended to be, and vice versa.

McDonald's

I love working for McDonald's. It is very rewarding and challenging. I am extremely proud of my work, my job, how well I serve people, my coworkers, and how I get to spend 8+ hours a day brightening people's lives. It's hot, greasy, hard work. But I enjoy it.

Devalued

The more sex is devalued, the easier it is for someone to take it from someone else.

Drains

So apparently they put a ton of thought into figuring out what size/material/shape storm drains to use. You figure out the maximum volume of water per second you want flowing through the drains, then you can figure out the diameter, pitch, and depth of the storm drain to use. Ditto for the rooms with manhole covers. Who would have thought? I kind of figured maybe they just sort of guessed. Apparently not.

Denominations

Why do denominations that believe things really similar to one another end up disliking one another so much? Ex. PCA vs. PCUSA

Punk

I wonder whether my punk roots is where I get a lot of my apathy from. Punk (the type that I listen to) generally tends to do two things in the face of trouble: 1) Stop caring 2) Direct anger outward in an unfocused manner at everyone and everything.

Missions

It's so cool that there are lots of women in America that want to and are able to do missions work outside of the States.

Def Leppard

Def Leppard kicks ass.

Fail

I think I just failed a class. We had a final paper and I basically didn't write it.

-Edit-

The professor gave me a B in the class even though I clearly did not deserve it.

Rest

In order to do anything a lot for a long period of time, you have to rest from it regularly.

Obsession leads to injury unless it is kept under control and permiated with rest (in which case, some might argue, it is not obsession).

Borrow

Things I would like to borrow if anyone has them:

- Shadow of the Colossus
- The first season of Battlestar Galactica
- Book one of Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series

Sleep

It's amazing how much a good sleep will cheer you up.

Cheesy

I like cheesy things; it's hard to take serious things seriously, so I usually don't try.

Low

At the lowest points of my life (junior year of high school, senior year of college), my defense mechanism is apathy. In high school, I just thought to myself over and over the lyrics of the Ramones song "I Don't Care." (The lyrics are "I don't care" over and over again in the verse, and "I don't care / About this world / I don't care / About that girl" during the chorus).

Right now I just keep saying to myself over and over again "I don't give a fuck."

Feigning apathy is a strange response to trouble. I wonder why I do that. I'll probably never know.

Mysterious

Life is hard. I have no answers. I've never seen healing from anything major. I do not see clear indications in the Bible that God tirelessly loves/pursues individual Christians. Nor do I see indications that God has control over all bad things that happen to people. He is mysterious.

Advice

Find someone who loves you. Not someone who is intelligent, shares common interests with you, is pretty, has a great personality, walks closely with the Lord, is respected by her/his friends, etc. Just find someone who loves you. For whom you do not have to be a different person. Of whom you are not constantly afraid.

Maybe "find someone who loves you" should read "find someone you love well enough not to fear or try to be a different person for."

Job

It's weird to go into McDonald's and covet the job of the person at the cash register. All I can think is "Man, I wish I was better qualified to get her job."

Architecture

The way I look at architecture is now totally ruined. I just try to find cool things to climb. My aesthetic sense is gone.

Wages

I've been thinking a lot about labor regulations in the U.S. We are very proud of the fact that workers only have to do a 40 hour week, while in other parts of the world, looser restrictions mean people have to work 50-60 (even more) hours per week without overtime. (Of course, I'm basically just referring to low-income jobs; high-income jobs like doctors and lawyers often involve much more than 40 hours a week).

We in the U.S. are happy, even smug, to know that our low-income laborers are not being taken advantage of, and are not having to work unreasonable hours.

However, what nobody mentions is the fact that minimum wage in the U.S. is barely enough to support one person. Most people, even single people, really need more than one 40 hour per week job in order to subsist. At least in other parts of the world, people can work 60 hours a week at one job, unlike in the States where people have to spread 60 hours over two or three jobs in different places.

Bible

You either have to assume it's true and try to find ways of making it make sense as you read it, or assume it's false and watch it crumble when you touch it.

Wounds

Maybe some wounds do not heal in this life. Maybe I need to be OK with that and desire something other than healing. For me and for others.

Riven

I bought a copy of Riven for $1 a few days ago. I've been playing it a lot since. I'm still buildering like crazy. Took the last two days off to let my body rest and it was hard not to climb. I'll probably go out tonight even though I'm working on my thesis.

I have a mohawk now.

I like going to parties. I don't drink much, but it's just nice being around people when they let their guard down and feel comfortable. I am surprized at how easy it is for me to get along with people who are different than me (not all people who are different, but a lot). It is fun but a temptation, too, because it's easy to loose myself and forget who I am in the midst of finding common ground with others.

Man, this was a really bloggy post. Usually try to stay away from those. Maybe I'm slipping...

"Pediculous" means "to be infested with lice"

Expression

Expression is a trap that Western Aesthetics has been caught in for hundreds of years. Art by no means needs to express anything. It doesn't even need to mean anything at all (although it certainly can). How much great art from around the world, across cultures, do you think was made to express/mean something?

Example: Baroque music. This was party music of the time (for rich people). Composers sat down and wrote whole pieces by applying simple, programmatic rules. Types of songs were organized by the way in which people would dance to them. The music was there to entertain -- not be a means of artistic expression.

Why can't we be OK with doing that now? Just be overt about "Hey this [painting, song, sculpture, etc.] doesn't mean or express anything at all. I just made it to kick ass and be awesome."

Buildering

I'm totally obsessed with buildering right now. For the past two weeks I have been unable to think of anything else. My personality is such that it is not easy for me to get obsessed with things, but when I do I latch onto them with a deathgrip.

Buildering is the first time I have enjoyed exercise in years.

Also, even though it is dangerous, it is probably no more dangerous than driving a car on a two lane highway. It is true that one false move when you are several stories in the air could result in serious injury or death. However, the same is true of highway driving. We are inches from death daily. We just try to know our limits, master our skills, pay attention, and allow ourselves not to be paralyzed by fear.

*Note* Buildering is illegal. Therefore, I of course do not actually builder, but merely pretend to / imagine I am.

I.Q. Test

What Movie Poster Is This
Just one of the questions in our fun IQ quiz! Today's top score is 127.

The above is an add on facebook.

Multitasking

Multitasking will be the death of us.

Consume

What would I do if I didn't consume media? What would I think about? What would I talk about? I bet I would think/talk about food a lot -- I probably consume more food than anything else except media.

Psych

Psych is an interesting show. It presents us with two characters, both of which have enormous egos: Sean and Lassider. However, we love Sean and can't stand Lassider. Oddly enough, the reason we feel these things towards these characters is the same in both cases. We love Sean because of his ego and dislike Lassider because of his. Why does the same characteristic produce in us opposite reactions?

Likemired

Some people would rather be liked than admired. Others would rather be admired than liked. Which one am I? Which are you?

Learn

Why am I trying to learn something I don't enjoy learning?

Python

It's 3 in the morning. I have to be up at 6:30am. I have a psycholinguistics test tomorrow. I am done studying for it. Am I sleeping? No. I am messing around with Python and watching hair metal music videos.

Name

Asking someone of the opposite sex their name is now functionally equivalent to asking for their phone number.

I Wonder Which (If Any) of these I Will Accomplish

Things I want to learn about enough to try to learn:

- A computer programming language. Perl or Python seems like the most useful, but I guess everyone starts on Java or C++.
- World geography. Ideally one country per day or week or something like that.
- Babylon 5. I'm going to start watching it after I finish this round of Firefly.
- Chinese. My newest plan for doing better in Chinese is to record Jeff reading my textbook dialogues and vocabulary, then listen to the recordings constantly using it as a memorization and quizzing tool.
- Zombies. I really need to get serious about my affinity for zombies.