CW, 2:00pm-4:00pm

Steve Wilkos and Tyra Banks make an interesting back-to-back daytime TV combination. One is justice and the other is grace. Together they are like a good cop bad cop routine that interrogates the guilty conscience of America. But it is an interrogation through which we are vindicated because (we tell ourselves) we are innocent compared with the graphic spectacle of these shows.

We see ourselves and our own problems exposed and amplified in the guests. We hate the guilty guests because we hate and fear those parts of ourselves. Then we are comforted when we see the difference in scale (not in type) between their problems and ours. This, we think, is righteous anger.

And sometimes there is no difference in scale.

Ralph

Yesterday I met Ralph Alvarez, president and chief operations officer of McDonald's. The company. He is the third most powerful person at McDonald's Corporation. We talked for maybe 30 seconds and I had no idea who he was until later. He looked me in the eye and treated me like a person, which I appreciated.

I was probably a bit too informal, but whatever.

Typing

I think they should teach typing in schools by just putting a bunch of middle schoolers in a room with computers that have AIM on them and telling them they can't talk out loud. Everyone I know that had AIM growing up is excellent at typing.

Sticker

I really like bumper stickers that don't communicate a clear message. They are very rare. In fact most bumper stickers are expressly designed to be clear, brief, and blunt. But there are outliers and mistakes. I used to have one that said "I now inform you that you are too far from reality." The print was a bit small and it was fun seeing people in my rear view mirror scoot forward at a light to squint at it, and then just look confused.

I saw one today that said "I AM GOD." I still don't get whether it was supposed to be quoting (and therefore affirming) the Bible or asserting (metaphorically? sarcastically?) that the driver was an omnipotent diety. Or maybe it referred to the car itself?

Tears

You'll never know the number of people you by food from, sit on the bus next to, have a class with, or are close friends with who are a breath away from exploding. In anger, tears, fear, whatever. You'll never know but I bet it's more than you think.

Boss

There are tons of different styles of leadership, but I think one universal characteristic of a good boss is that her employees know that she is in their corner. That sounds simple, but it's actually pretty rare. I hope if I am in a leadership position (even outside of the workplace, like as a husband or father) people under me feel like I am on their side.

Charlie

The neighbor kid in the apartment next door is named Charlie. The guy from the V.A. who lives at my other next door is also named Charlie.

Sovereign

If God is really sovereign, it doesn't matter whether Christians believe He is or not. He just is.

Vanilla

A lot of people don't know this but vanilla is an actual flavor, not the absence of flavor.

Proverb

"Only dead fish go downstream"
- Polish proverb I found in The Cholesterol Myths

Exene

"I wouldn't consider myself a happy person, but I had fun tonight"
- Exene

Animals

Isn't it funny that animals and people find a lot of the same things beautiful/attractive?

Checking Out

I have no interest in doing any more school, but I also don't want to work. So for now I'm just checking out. I will work enough to pay the bills and let me save some cash, but that's it. I just want to not participate in the rest of the world.

Unexpecting

I've given up on expecting Christians to act any differently than non-Christians.

Talk

Whenever you talk to a Presbyterian about having a tough time spiritually, no matter how much they say you are saved by God's grace alone and there is nothing you can do to earn it, all they do is tell you stuff you should be doing and say that if your spiritual life is crummy it's because you are doing something wrong or not doing something you should be doing.

Elevators

Elevators are great. That pocket of space and time in which you are utterly alone.

Criticism

The things I enjoy the most and am best at are all forms of criticism, not art. I like covering songs better than writing originals. Climbing things is an act of interpretation rather than creation. Writing literary criticism is more fun to me that trying to write literature.

Quote

"Don't give me advice on being a Christian if you won't even do your own dishes."

Identity

Your identitiy is found in the things you do and like. They are a part of who you are. It's OK to identify with them. Probably not exclusively.

Hope

Peter tells us we should always be ready to give a reason for the hope that we have. I've come to realize that I can't honestly give any reasons. Overall, I am not convinced of the truth of Christianity. The Bible does not seem to be an internally consistant document, nor is the Deity it describes. The Christian worldview does not provide a perspective on life that is significantly more useful than non-Christian worldviews. Christians do not seem to have anything special about them, nor does Christian community (aside from its tightness, which is something other communities, like the armed forces, can reproduce). I have not seen evidence of God making me better, changing my heart, or causing me to grow. I have matured in a morally neutral sense, but in terms of my own morality I am exactly the same as I was when I was 10. Although I have seen people change when they become a Christian, I have also seen people whose lives changed just as dramatically and just as positively without ever uttering a syllable of prayer.

The ressurrection is hard to ignore or explain away, but by itself it is not enough to be convincing to me.

However, for some reason I can't help believing the Bible is true. I am a Christian. I pray to God; I take communion. I have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, who was God's Son and who died and was ressurrected for the sins of God's people, of whom I am one.

I don't know whether God is hanging on to me without my help, or whether I'm just too afraid to leave, but for whatever reason I'm still a Christian and I still believe all this stuff. I don't know why or for how long.