Low

At the lowest points of my life (junior year of high school, senior year of college), my defense mechanism is apathy. In high school, I just thought to myself over and over the lyrics of the Ramones song "I Don't Care." (The lyrics are "I don't care" over and over again in the verse, and "I don't care / About this world / I don't care / About that girl" during the chorus).

Right now I just keep saying to myself over and over again "I don't give a fuck."

Feigning apathy is a strange response to trouble. I wonder why I do that. I'll probably never know.

Mysterious

Life is hard. I have no answers. I've never seen healing from anything major. I do not see clear indications in the Bible that God tirelessly loves/pursues individual Christians. Nor do I see indications that God has control over all bad things that happen to people. He is mysterious.

Advice

Find someone who loves you. Not someone who is intelligent, shares common interests with you, is pretty, has a great personality, walks closely with the Lord, is respected by her/his friends, etc. Just find someone who loves you. For whom you do not have to be a different person. Of whom you are not constantly afraid.

Maybe "find someone who loves you" should read "find someone you love well enough not to fear or try to be a different person for."

Job

It's weird to go into McDonald's and covet the job of the person at the cash register. All I can think is "Man, I wish I was better qualified to get her job."

Architecture

The way I look at architecture is now totally ruined. I just try to find cool things to climb. My aesthetic sense is gone.

Wages

I've been thinking a lot about labor regulations in the U.S. We are very proud of the fact that workers only have to do a 40 hour week, while in other parts of the world, looser restrictions mean people have to work 50-60 (even more) hours per week without overtime. (Of course, I'm basically just referring to low-income jobs; high-income jobs like doctors and lawyers often involve much more than 40 hours a week).

We in the U.S. are happy, even smug, to know that our low-income laborers are not being taken advantage of, and are not having to work unreasonable hours.

However, what nobody mentions is the fact that minimum wage in the U.S. is barely enough to support one person. Most people, even single people, really need more than one 40 hour per week job in order to subsist. At least in other parts of the world, people can work 60 hours a week at one job, unlike in the States where people have to spread 60 hours over two or three jobs in different places.

Bible

You either have to assume it's true and try to find ways of making it make sense as you read it, or assume it's false and watch it crumble when you touch it.

Wounds

Maybe some wounds do not heal in this life. Maybe I need to be OK with that and desire something other than healing. For me and for others.

Riven

I bought a copy of Riven for $1 a few days ago. I've been playing it a lot since. I'm still buildering like crazy. Took the last two days off to let my body rest and it was hard not to climb. I'll probably go out tonight even though I'm working on my thesis.

I have a mohawk now.

I like going to parties. I don't drink much, but it's just nice being around people when they let their guard down and feel comfortable. I am surprized at how easy it is for me to get along with people who are different than me (not all people who are different, but a lot). It is fun but a temptation, too, because it's easy to loose myself and forget who I am in the midst of finding common ground with others.

Man, this was a really bloggy post. Usually try to stay away from those. Maybe I'm slipping...

"Pediculous" means "to be infested with lice"

Expression

Expression is a trap that Western Aesthetics has been caught in for hundreds of years. Art by no means needs to express anything. It doesn't even need to mean anything at all (although it certainly can). How much great art from around the world, across cultures, do you think was made to express/mean something?

Example: Baroque music. This was party music of the time (for rich people). Composers sat down and wrote whole pieces by applying simple, programmatic rules. Types of songs were organized by the way in which people would dance to them. The music was there to entertain -- not be a means of artistic expression.

Why can't we be OK with doing that now? Just be overt about "Hey this [painting, song, sculpture, etc.] doesn't mean or express anything at all. I just made it to kick ass and be awesome."

Buildering

I'm totally obsessed with buildering right now. For the past two weeks I have been unable to think of anything else. My personality is such that it is not easy for me to get obsessed with things, but when I do I latch onto them with a deathgrip.

Buildering is the first time I have enjoyed exercise in years.

Also, even though it is dangerous, it is probably no more dangerous than driving a car on a two lane highway. It is true that one false move when you are several stories in the air could result in serious injury or death. However, the same is true of highway driving. We are inches from death daily. We just try to know our limits, master our skills, pay attention, and allow ourselves not to be paralyzed by fear.

*Note* Buildering is illegal. Therefore, I of course do not actually builder, but merely pretend to / imagine I am.

I.Q. Test

What Movie Poster Is This
Just one of the questions in our fun IQ quiz! Today's top score is 127.

The above is an add on facebook.

Multitasking

Multitasking will be the death of us.

Consume

What would I do if I didn't consume media? What would I think about? What would I talk about? I bet I would think/talk about food a lot -- I probably consume more food than anything else except media.

Psych

Psych is an interesting show. It presents us with two characters, both of which have enormous egos: Sean and Lassider. However, we love Sean and can't stand Lassider. Oddly enough, the reason we feel these things towards these characters is the same in both cases. We love Sean because of his ego and dislike Lassider because of his. Why does the same characteristic produce in us opposite reactions?

Likemired

Some people would rather be liked than admired. Others would rather be admired than liked. Which one am I? Which are you?

Learn

Why am I trying to learn something I don't enjoy learning?

Python

It's 3 in the morning. I have to be up at 6:30am. I have a psycholinguistics test tomorrow. I am done studying for it. Am I sleeping? No. I am messing around with Python and watching hair metal music videos.

Name

Asking someone of the opposite sex their name is now functionally equivalent to asking for their phone number.

I Wonder Which (If Any) of these I Will Accomplish

Things I want to learn about enough to try to learn:

- A computer programming language. Perl or Python seems like the most useful, but I guess everyone starts on Java or C++.
- World geography. Ideally one country per day or week or something like that.
- Babylon 5. I'm going to start watching it after I finish this round of Firefly.
- Chinese. My newest plan for doing better in Chinese is to record Jeff reading my textbook dialogues and vocabulary, then listen to the recordings constantly using it as a memorization and quizzing tool.
- Zombies. I really need to get serious about my affinity for zombies.